Comfort Zones

When people talk about comfort zones, I get the feeling that they're talking about taking risks. Whether that's in a career or hobbies or even relationships. I've always been a risk taker. I'm not scared to take a chance. I've moved many places, quit many jobs, joined different organizations, and introduced myself to all types of people. Basically... #cantrelate

However, now that I'm in my thirties, I can see that I do have comfort zones, but not in the traditional sense. My comfort zone is my appearance.

Whew..that was hard to write out. Blame Brene Brown and her talks on courage and vulnerability! If you haven't seen her Ted Talk or Netflix special...go watch it now!

I play it small when it comes to my looks. I wear minimal makeup. I don't dress flashy. I rarely get my nails done. I do basic hairstyles. Whatever I can do to get as little attention as possible, I pursue it. Seriously. I look in the mirror and say I just want to cover up these dark undereyes and fill in my brows.

This would be okay if this is actually how I wanted to look, but it's not and never really has been. I just fell into this (sorta like my career but that's another post). I can't pinpoint when it was that I stepped into the background in that department, but I want to say it has a lot to do with my university. I went to Howard in DC, which is known for it's fashionable yard and beautiful women of color. It's an intimidating school to attend. You can be as cute as a button, but there's always going to be someone cuter than you. Completely okay, but I think I fell into the mindset of, "well since I'm not going to be the best person in the room, I might as well not be there while being there." Then there's no expectation. What a warped way to think?

And now here I am. Typically the only Black woman in the room and I still play it small with my looks. I get nervous wearing my natural hair despite being natural for almost 9 years. I don't like to switch up my hair, because I don't like compliments. Well I do like compliments, but I don't like to accept them. Well I do like to accept them, I just don't want people to know.

When you got to a college with a lot of beautiful women who know they're beautiful, it makes it hard to also consider yourself beautiful when you know you don't look or even feel like they do. Now that I'm aging and really coming into my own, I want to look and feel beautiful too. And I don't want to care about the other beautiful woman in the room because I know I can share the spotlight with her.